A New Family Planning Alternative

Deciding when their family is the right size-or how to make sure it stays that size-is a personal decision that many women may find easier to make in the years to come.

For women who have decided that they do not want any more children and feel ready for a permanent form of birth control, "getting your tubes tied," or tubal ligation, is no longer the only option.

A new office-based procedure known as the Essure procedure is quickly replacing the old operation and is covered by most insurance plans.

During the procedure, a tiny, soft spring, called a micro-insert, is placed into each fallopian tube. The body's natural response causes tissue to grow into the micro-inserts, blocking sperm from reaching the egg. This tissue growth takes about three months and additional birth control must be used during this time.

After three months, a special X-ray test verifies that the system is working.

Choosing this advanced procedure offers many benefits. There are no incisions, it does not contain hormones, it can be performed in a doctor's office with minimal anesthesia and it's permanent. The procedure takes about 15 minutes to complete and most women return to normal activities within a day or two.

More than 63,000 women worldwide have already had the procedure and clinical studies have reported high safety and patient satisfaction. After many years of clinical study, no pregnancies have been reported when the micro-insert is placed correctly. While no method of birth control is 100 percent effective, the procedure's effectiveness rate is 99.80 percent with four years of clinical data.

"We finally have a technique for a woman that is comparable in simplicity, accessibility and safety to vasectomy in men," said Dr. Barbara Levy, a national expert in endoscopic surgery practicing in Seattle. "Although the complications of surgical tubal ligation are uncommon, when they occur they may be life threatening. The rare deaths associated with tubal ligation were unacceptable in my mind."

Another advantage for busy mothers is that the procedure eliminates the time spent recovering from surgery.

Co-Parenting: 10 Commandments of Parenting

Here are the wisest commandments ever commended to parents:


1.Thou shalt be consistent. Do as you say you will. Children know where they stand when you are consistent, follow through and mean what you say.

2.Thou shalt expect children to contribute (without being paid). Expect children to help at home but don’t expect them to do so graciously all the time. Here is a question to ask yourself from time to time: What do your children do that someone else relies on?

3.Thou shalt encourage regularly and persistently. Remember that encouragement and praise will get children a lot further than criticism and punishment so be your child’s best encourager rather than his fiercest critic. Encouragement helps a child link his or her self-esteem to the process, rather than the results of what they do.

4.Thou shalt put responsibility where it belongs. Treat children and young people as you want them to be. If you want responsible, capable children then treat them as if they are responsible. The best way to develop responsibility is to give it to children.

5.Thou shalt be know that children and young people only see one side of any issue. Thou shalt take everything they say with a large grain of salt. Not that children and young people lie, but they have been known to exaggerate or see facts only from their side.

6.Thou shalt show love and affection to your children. Thou shalt say you love each of your children at least once a day. Knowing they are loveable is the basis of self worth, regardless of their age.

7.Thou shalt catch children and young people behaving well. Pay attention to your children’s positive behaviour more than their negative behaviour. What you focus on expands so if you focus on the positive behaviour that is what you generally get. Give descriptive feedback so that your children know what they did well. E.g. “That was great the way you two worked out the TV-watching problem without arguing. You both compromised a little which is smart.”

8.Thou shalt develop independence in children from the earliest possible age. Never regularly do for a child the things he or she can do for him or herself. Remember, your job is to make yourself redundant.

9.Thou shalt set limits and boundaries for children and expect that they will push against them. Children and young people need limits and boundaries as they make them feel secure.

10.Thou shalt keep a sense of humour when dealing with children. This will help you keep things in perspective. It may seem improbable some days but they will soon grow up and be out of your hair and be a living, breathing reflection of YOU.

The 11th (and most important )commandment:

Thou shalt be a good role model for your children. Show rather than tell children and young people how you want them to communicate, behave and live. Children learn what they live and, as parents, your actions speak louder than your words.

Enjoy!

The Cycle Of Physical Abuse

In December, 2005, I conducted a two-day workshop with men who had recently been released from prison for domestic violence. With the men were their wives, as well as the father of a batterer who was still in prison.

The father, Douglas, sat in front of me, sharing his childhood experiences.

“My momma was a very loving woman – a big-hearted, hard working loving woman,” he told me. From my many years of counseling, I knew that my definition of love and his definition of love were likely very different.

“Did she ever beat you?” I asked.

“Oh yeah. She beat me all the time. My daddy beat my momma and my momma beat me. But she beat me because I was bad. I was really bad. Maybe if she had beat me more, I wouldn’t have been so bad.”

“What did she beat you with?”

“Anything she could get her hands on. Extension cords, wooden spoons. Often I had to go into the yard and pick out the switch.”

“How did you feel when you knew you were going to get a beating?”

“Oh, I was terrified. I’d beg and plead and promise not to do again whatever it was she was mad at. But that never worked. I always got the beating. Then after the beating she would tell me that she loved me, that it was for my own good, and that it hurt her more than it hurt me.”

“And how were you bad?”

“Well, sometimes I’d come in late, and sometimes I would talk back. Then I got into alcohol and drugs at a very early age. Maybe if she had beat me more, I wouldn’t have done the alcohol and drugs.”

“Why do you think you did the alcohol and drugs?”

“I was just hurtin’ too much. It took me outta all the pain for awhile.”

“What was the pain?”

“I don’t know. I was just hurtin’ a lot.”

“Do you think it is possible that you were hurting because the woman who was supposed to protect you was instead hurting you? That she was confusing you by telling you she loved you while she was beating and terrifying you? That there was no one to turn to for safety and nurturing? That you were scared much of the time for fear of the beatings? That you were terribly lonely and could not turn to your parents because they were the ones causing the pain?”

Silence………Then he looked at me in shock. As the light bulb when on in his mind, the tears started rolling down his weathered cheeks. Soon he was sobbing.

“That’s right…That’s right….The beatings were the problem. More beatings would not have helped. And I beat my children thinking it was the right thing to do, and now my son is in prison for beating his wife and protective services want to take away their daughter. And I almost hit her the other day when she didn’t mind me. I’m so glad I didn’t. This has to stop! This has to stop!”

I looked around the room. Everyone was in tears. Kathy, the wife of one of the batterers, spoke up, sobbing.

“I’ve always hit my kids, and no matter what anyone told me about it not being good, it never made sense to me. This is the first time I understand why it’s not a good or loving way to discipline my kids. And I can see why I’m having so many problems with my older son and why he is on drugs. He has always been furious with me and I had no idea why. Now I understand. I need to learn a new way to discipline. I’m going to take a parenting class and start reading parenting books.”

I hugged Douglas for the profound work he did, and for the effect his work was having on everyone in the room. I thanked God for giving me the privilege of working with these people. All of them, it turned out, had been severely beaten as children.

I am deeply grateful to James Beard who conducts workshops within the prison with batterers and to Lindsay Wagner, who also works with these men and their families. Both of them were assisting me at this workshop. We all smiled at each other in deep gratitude for the healing that was taking place.

"Safety First" Tips For Water Fun

There may be few better ways to spend a hot day than at the beach, lake, water park or swimming pool but amid all the fun and games it is important to put safety first.

Learning to swim and be safe in and around the water are important survival skills. Accidents only take a few seconds to occur, but they can often be prevented by ensuring your loved ones follow simple water safety guidelines.

Pioneers in swimming instruction and water safety, the nation's YMCAs are celebrating 100 years of group swimming instruction to children and adults. The YMCA offers these tips to help keep you and your loved ones safe in and around the water during the summer and at any time of year:

• Make sure children are supervised by an adult at all times.
• No one, not even adults, should ever swim alone.
• Be prepared in an emergency by learning lifesaving, first aid and CPR techniques.
• Always have a stocked first aid kit, phone, emergency numbers and sunscreen close at hand.
• Follow the posted rules in any water environment.
• Backyard pools should have posted rules, ring buoy and security fences with self-closing gates and childproof locks.
• If you have an above-ground pool, secure and lock the steps or remove them completely when not in use.
• Be aware of water depth, incline and any underwater obstructions before diving. Never dive in water less than nine feet deep.
• Children should use U.S. Coast Guard-approved life jackets. Avoid inflatable toys including armbands or "swimmies"-they can be dangerous, giving a false sense of confidence.

And finally, everyone should learn swimming and basic water safety skills. The YMCA offers swimming classes for all ages and levels.

7 Ways to Complement Computer Games and Unleash Your Child’s Creative Genius

Even though we may enjoy playing them ourselves, many parents worry about the impact of computer games on their child’s development. We fear that letting our kids play computer games for more than an hour or so per day will turn them into anti-social, obese couch potatoes. It would be better to have our children read or to read child stories to them, we think. Yet, computer games are here to stay, so rather than fighting them, why not use them? This article shows you how you can let your child play computer games yet still foster the development of their creativity.

The issue that many parents have with computer games is that, compared with reading a child story, they don’t require the use of a great deal of imagination. Here are seven ways in which you can complement computer games to foster the development of your child’s creativity:

#1 Develop character profiles

Some computer games have characters. With the Harry Potter games these characters are already well-known and well-developed. With other games, however, the characters may be more “shallow”. This is a perfect opportunity for your child to develop the characters further. They can invent a profile for the character, imagining who their family is, where they come from, where they go/went to school, what hobbies they like to do, how they feel, etc. Your child can then make sketches or drawings of the character and scenes from their life: past, present and future. Finally, your child can create profiles of the other people in the character’s life: friends, family, pets, colleagues, droids, etc.

#2 Create Storyboards

If you think about it, a lot of computer games are nothing more than interactive stories. So, your child can create their own stories using the characters from their favorite computer games. Think of this as an extension of the computer game. You could even pretend that you work for the computer game company and are creating a new version of the computer game.

There are several ways you can approach this depending upon you and your child’s preferences. You can write a script, create cartoon-like illustrations, create illustrated scenes (i.e. pictures) only, or create pictures with accompanying text.

#3 Write a Diary

It could be interesting for your child to get inside the head of some of the characters. Incidentally, this is also a good way to develop a child’s empathy. Have your child write a diary as if they were one of the characters.

#4 Develop a Virtual World

One of my sons has developed his own virtual world. He’s created detailed maps, descriptions of all the creatures, plants (more than 100 in all, fully illustrated) and lands in it, and a complete history of this imaginary world. Your child can create a virtual world that is either an extension from an existing computer game or something completely new.

#5 What’s Cooking?

If your child likes to cook, why not develop some special recipes of what people eat in the computer game’s virtual world? What’s their favorite food? What is the national dish? These “recipes” could be from real, edible foods or other non-edible materials (make sure your kid doesn’t eat the latter!).

#6 Get Hands On

Some children are kinesthetic learners; they learn by doing. If your child is one of these, they can create 3D models from clay or papier mâché of the characters from a computer game. You can even create life-sized models in your garden/backyard. For example, you can carve a character from an old tree stump or log.

#7 Create Your Own Computer Game

In the area of computer games, what could be more creative than creating your own game? When they create a game, computer game companies go through a process similar to some of the steps described here so you might be able to use the results of your fun work to create an actual computer game.

There are hundreds or thousands of software tools you can use to create your own games. However, unless you’re a “techie”, it’s probably easiest to use one that doesn’t require any programming or advanced computer skills.

Software tools such as “The 3D Gamemaker”,* for example, allow you to create games simply by pointing and clicking. The 3D Gamemaker has a library of scenes, sounds and 3D objects that you can combine into your own games. Obviously, this is a bit less creative then making a game from scratch, but you can also scan in your own images, record your own personal sound effects and import your own 3D models to make your game more original.

The Multi-Choice Creation System (MuCeS) lets you create Multichoice adventures in which the game player chooses one option out of a number of given options depending on what she thinks will be best for a given situation.

The above are only two examples of the possibilities. The point is that you don’t need to be a “rocket scientist” in order to create your own computer games. Imagine how thrilled your kids will be to create their own games. Playing computer games will never be the same again!

Conclusion

Some parents regard computer games as an “unhealthy” influence on their children, but when you combine computer games with some of the “offline” child story creation activities described here, you’ll not only unleash your child’s creative genius, you’ll have a lot of fun doing it.

* Note: I have not (yet) used any of the software described here. The products mentioned are provided purely as examples.

'No Child Left Behind': What it Means for Parents

The No Child Left Behind Act is a landmark education reform law that is already improving academic performance across the land. One of its chief aims is to close the troubling achievement gap that separates many disadvantaged, disabled and minority students from their peers.

To do this, it measures student performance and focuses extra resources and attention on those most in danger of falling behind. But what about the schools themselves?

Under No Child Left Behind, schools that receive federal funds to help teach and prepare educationally disadvantaged children must make what is called "Adequate Yearly Progress" in reading, language arts and mathematics. These clearly defined benchmark goals, which will be raised over time, have been put in place by each of the 50 states based upon what is appropriate for their local school districts.

If a school does not reach its annual goals, it is given extra assistance and another chance. If it again does not succeed the following year, the school is deemed "in need of improvement." Extra resources are provided to the school, and new options and choices are provided to its students and parents.

As states release their lists of schools that underperformed over the last school year, parents should be alert to their school's status. They may be eligible for free tutoring or after-school classes for their children, or entitled to choose another public school that better meets their needs.

Parents of children in schools deemed "in need of improvement" should contact their local school officials to find out if their children are eligible for these and other services.

If a school continues to underperform for five or more years in a row, school officials must develop and implement a two-year plan to turn around the school. The local school district will ensure that the school receives needed technical assistance as it develops and implements its improvement plan.

Parents who get involved - by enforcing attendance, supervising homework and setting academic goals - are less likely to see their children left behind in school. Ways that parents can help their child's school succeed include:

* Attending parent-teacher meetings to address academic or discipline problems.

* Participating in school board meetings.

* Volunteering to serve during school hours or in extracurricular activities.

* Encouraging other parents to become involved.

* Tapping into community or private-sector resources.

* Learning about No Child Left Behind and how it can benefit their child.

"Clean Your Plate" Is Not Always The Way To Go For Healthy Kids

According to obesity researchers, the United States obesity rate has more than doubled for preschoolers and adolescents-and more than tripled for ages 6 to 11-over the past 30 years. Obese children are at greater risk for health problems such as diabetes and heart disease, and often carry these problems into adulthood.

So, how do parents help children, and the entire family, eat healthier, both at home and away-from-home?

"Talk to your pediatrician, family doctor or registered dietitian to determine the healthiest weight goals for the entire family," said nutrition expert Jenifer Bland-Campbell, "then make a plan to tackle the issue."

She offers these tips to help parents help their families eat more healthfully:

• Eat at least one meal together daily, at regular intervals to discourage snacking.
• Prepare healthy dishes for the whole family, not just special foods for an overweight child.
• Don't use food as a reward, comfort or punishment.
• Watch portions. "Clean your plate" is not always the way to go.
• Eat slowly. It takes almost 20 minutes for the brain to register that the body is full.
• Encourage water or skim or 1% milk instead of high-calorie, sugary drinks.
• Getting kids to eat at least five servings of vegetables and fruits each day will not be easy, but focus on the colors to make it more fun. Visit www.5aday.org for more tips.
• Use low-fat or fat-free dressings, mayonnaise and dairy items at home as if they are the full-fat versions. Kids will take your cues. Ask for the same items on the side when eating away-from-home.
• Take the stairs. When you go shopping, park the car farther away from the store and walk.

• Limit television, video games or computer time.
• Replace mayonnaise and cheese on burgers or sandwiches with catsup, mustard or barbecue sauce.
• Stick with items that are baked, broiled, steamed or poached-not fried.
• Ask for nutritional information when eating out.
• Look beyond the children's menu, often limited to fried, high-calorie, high-fat foods. Split one healthier adult entrée between two children.
• Ask for a takeout container and put some of the food in before you eat.
• Ask that bread, beverages and tortilla chips be served with the meal, not beforehand.

"Parents can help children reach wellness goals by first making healthy changes at home, then teaching kids what to do away from home," said Bland-Campbell. "Healthy eating does not happen overnight, but children take cues from their parents and will learn behaviors over time."

Bland-Campbell is a registered dietitian with ARAMARK, a company that manages food service programs at businesses, colleges, hospitals, and approximately 4,000 schools across the country.

You can find research on the away-from-home nutritional preferences of Americans at ARAMARK'S Web site, www.diningstyle.com. There, parents can find their own dining style and receive tips from dietitians on more ways to eat better.

more inspiration for control freak parents

You cannot catch a child’s spirit by running after it. You must stand still, and for love it will soon itself return. -Arthur Miller

This became evident to me several summers ago, when I spent 6 weeks suffering with a severe case of hives all over my body. When the itching first began, the only way to find relief was to lie absolutely motionless.

My kids, who are delightfully self-entertaining, went about their business for the first few hours, checking in on me occasionally to see if I needed anything. As the day wore on, they realized that I was a sitting duck. They set up camp on my king size bed, and we proceeded to have some very deep and thought-provoking conversations.

I doubt these interactions would have occurred if I had been my usual productive and bustling self. I probably would have interrupted the quiet time that was necessary for their questions to emerge in order to jump up and fold the laundry before it wrinkled.

I hardly ever sit still when I’m healthy. There’s always so much to do. Hives taught me lots of important things ... not the least of which is that the world will not collapse if I don’t hold it up. Sure, I fell behind on things. For the first time in my life I left phone calls unreturned, and dishes in the sink, and laundry wet and wrinkled for days.

But the sun continued to rise and set anyway. I didn’t lose any friends due to my poor response time. And my kids learned how to take care of dirty dishes and clothes.

My son is a budding chef, and he had lots more freedom in the kitchen when I wasn’t there telling him what to do or how to do it better. He was so proud to serve us the delicious meals he had prepared.

I’m sure you know where I’m going with this. Sometimes the best thing we can do for our kids is drop out and let them experience their own competence. My kids blossomed during my down time. I think it was really great for them to feel needed and important; to make a contribution to the family that really mattered.

Yeah, it’s sad that it took a nasty case of hives for me to realize that I was not giving them enough opportunities to experience their own competence, but so be it. Now I know. True confessions of a compulsive caretaker.

Testing my lessons learned, I asked my son if he would fix a towel hook that had fallen off the wall. He seized the mission with zest, gathering all his tools together and tackling the problem with great concentration.

I stayed busy elsewhere in the house and left him alone. I’ll never forget the look on his face when he came to tell me the job was done. Not only had he fixed the hook, but he had even cleaned up the mess and put all the tools away!

I’ve realized that the best way to love my kids has changed as they’ve grown older. It’s not so much about taking care of them anymore. Now they need opportunities to discover their ability to take care of themselves.

I’ve graduated from being their source to being their resource. My job has changed from doing things for them to expressing my confidence that they can learn to do things for themselves.

Just in the nick of time, too. I’ve been craving uninterrupted opportunities to write and think and meditate. I’m relieved to know that I can take this time for myself without feeling that I am depriving them somehow.

I guess I needed the reassurance that it was ok, even good for them, that I wanted space to myself. Mama Bird at some point needs to get tough on her babies while getting them ready to fly. Maybe Mother Nature gives her a helping hand by offering her the tool of irritation to toughen her up so she does what must be done.

Traditionally it’s been hard for me to trust that even my irritation could be ok. Once more, I have been reminded that all is truly as it should be. And for that, I am grateful.